So, blogging came to an abrupt halt recently as I started unsuccessfully juggling the many events in my life.  These things that are occurring in my life are “stressors.” Now, to be honest, …not all the events are bad, but they offer the unknown which freaks me out.

Ok- I will admit it- I am an absolute control freak, OCD, very structured and patterned. I do the same thing every day the same way. So, if a new event is thrown into the mix, I start to slowly melt down and dropping balls I always so carefully juggle. I can handle most things on a day to day basis. But start throwing in multiple life changing events, and I freeze. Then I only do what I need to do to survive. All other things get put off that are not important.

Dishes, still in the sink

Laundry, maybe on the weekend

Filing, still on the office floor,

Eating healthy, yeah not so much.

The more I try to control my stressors the more out of control I feel, and I begin to worry and revert to things like eating that make me feel comforted.

I am not complaining, but merely sharing a part of me that I feel many others can empathize with, but it is never discussed. You know admitting you cannot handle your life. Whether it be good or bad!

I would imagine if you are like me you hold it together at work and in public. But at home is where you feel the most vulnerable.

At home I am alone, and it is just me and my thoughts;

what did I do?

what I have not completed?

could I have done it better?

and what do I need to accomplish?

It is a vicious cycle of thoughts.

But the one area I am most concerned about this time is my weight. I have worked so hard to get where I am at, but I am slowly reverting back to eating the way I did a year ago. Why?  because eating is my stress relief, my comfort, my old friend. Do I want food to control me …no way?

So I am struggling with getting control again. I still exercise daily, and I know what to do, I just need to do it. I need to get my mind straight and focus on me and not the life events I have invited in.

What did I invite into my life? … after 10 years in one location, I am jumping ship and moving. It is the most wonderful thing ever. But it brings a whole new level of unknowns into my life I cannot control right now. Where will I live? How will the new job be? Will I fit in?

You add in family stuff, like children, aging parents, and the job, and you have a cocktail that will send you straight to a side of Xanax or in my case a cookie!

So, what do I do? Give in- yeah not happening. I am backing up and starting over. With my weight, I am going back to being accountable to someone, my trainer. This will keep me on track in the food area.

See I cannot do it alone, so I will ask for help. Which is new for me. I usually do it by myself, muddle through and fake it until I make it no matter the situation.

Also, I have begun to make a list and am trying to manage my pending move one section at a time. I do not need to make all my decisions today, and I can slowly and meticulously pack and prepare, for the next adventure of my life.

Even with this blog, though I love it and I like to share, it too has been a stressor this past month, knowing I needed to update and stay in the blogging groove. It did not happen. Did I fail? No, I just proved a point that I am human and like many others out there handle stress differently.

I prioritize, categorize, and do what is most crucial for survival. Blogging was not in the mix. Moving forward, I see it is a great outlet for me to share my experiences and stressors so that maybe others can learn something, or examine how they deal with their life stresses, be it good or bad.

Do I have all the answers? Absolutely not, but I have the desire and drive to move forward and learn to overcome my stress and my bad habits. So that, I can continue on my journey of self-discovery, and oh yeah weight loss.