A few months ago (well 5 to be exact), I packed up my life I had for 10 years and headed north to be near family and to begin a new adventure.  The hope was to continue to increase my life and yes, at the same time decrease my weight. I was feeling confident, strong, and ready for my new life with the many adventures that would be in store.

I am now posting after many months ( well 8 to be exact) I have been MIA since March. My life was so busy before I moved I did not post, and then after I moved my life got stressful and I just could not bring myself to blog.

Blogging meant sharing with people how miserable I have felt and how overwhelming my new life has been. Posting meant admitting that maybe I had made a mistake. I question myself daily…Should I have moved? Did I not research my options well enough?  Posting the blog also meant I would have to admit defeat regarding weight loss, yes- I am off the wagon! It is a huge personal disappointment. I carry the guilt and shame of gaining weight back around with me every day.

Now today, I am trying to redeem myself and get back on track. I think often about my blog. Why did I start it? What is its purpose for me personally? The answer is it was one of my new activities I was taking on in my 50’s. Months ago, I took a risk at age of 50ish and opened up about my life. I’ve shared all the good and the bad. Much to my surprise, it was received well. Blogging made me feel proud of what I was accomplishing and who I was becoming in my 50’s.

A lot of life has happened in the past eight months, some things have been wonderful, while other things have been at times utterly unbearable.

So, the question becomes what do I do about it? I believe the real lesson is how I handle the many changes and come out of it stronger. I am reminded of the song by Kelly Clarkson and her lyrics “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. When I ponder those words, I think that I have been in far worse situations and I came out on top. But, it took time and much struggle!  Therefore, I can overcome the obstacles I am enduring now. I had hopes my move and new life was the promise land.  A new happy beginning and the start of more great life adventures to come.

I have not seen the promise land yet, but I must admit I feel I am to partially to blame. I have been letting my new life obstacles define and overwhelm me.  What I have discovered is that adventures can be good and yes bad! Webster’s dictionary defines adventure as: “to engage in hazardous and exciting activity, especially the exploration of unknown territory” YEP- that pretty much defines my life right now- engaging in activities in “unknown territory”

So, my happy new beginning I had hoped for has not happened yet.  But I must realize, it does not mean it will not happen- or that it cannot!  Whatever adventure comes to me next, I will stay strong believing that the promise land is on the other side.